Cheryl: What's Been Getting Me By Lately

Since I've quit my job, I've begun another search for an awesome activist community. The one I had at Hofstra isn't relevant for me another, since I am not a student and I don't feel roots in Long Island. Some of folks I started to meet in NJ have been exceedingly helpful. Mostly I feel a bit adrift, and I wonder why American society makes it so hard to find community when we leave the boxes we inhabited for so long.

I get by with a little help from my friends, far and wide...

"Do-Me" Feminism and the Rise of Raunch by Andi Zeisler

Target Women: Disney Princesses

Carol Queen

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Beth: A Sane Response to an Insane World

I enjoy going to the movies with my partner. We see a lot of them together. We debate the merits of an actor's performance or the director's point of view. We eat a huge popcorn and drink a big soda and complain about our stomach's on the bike ride home.  It is a simple date-but we enjoy the idea of being engrossed in a film for about two hours after a long laborious work week.

...but the movies are not always a safe place.

I have seen at least 4 movies in the theatres this past month.  Of those four movies-two of them dealt in some scene with rape.  One made light of it, the other portrayed a gruesome intense scene.

The first movie was Choke. This is a comedy about a man who is a sex addict. It is based on the novel by Chuck P (whats his face).  I won't debate the movie, I am no public film critic.  I will say the main character ends up on a date with a womyn who is asking him to participate in her rape scenario fantasy.  The date and the acting out of the fantasy are consensual and use safe words and the such in the movie.   I have to admit that this fantasy makes me uncomfortable-super uncomfortable, but I am not willing to impose sexual norms on what people play out in consensual role playing. What made me uncomfortable while watching this scene in the movie is the snickering of the audience.  The movie is a dark comedy, and the scene was directed in a way that leads into absurdity, but the laughter of the audience still made me feel really uncomfortable. Throughout the whole movie, where this sex addict finds himself in absurd sexual situations, the laughter of the audience made me feel creeped out.  I know how I perceived the movie and how I experienced it, but how were OTHER people perceiving it.  I am left to speculate, but because rape runs rampant in our society, I am left with speculations that sicken me.

The second movie I saw as Blindness. It is about a virus that attacks a city, that causes everyone to go blind. People are sent to detention centers and left to fend for themselves.  Food is provided, but needs to be rationed. One ward in the detention center seizes the food. They first demand money and valuables in exchange for food. When that runs out, they demand the other wards' women.  It is a plot that shows what happens when power goes unchecked, and how acts of violence against womyn are acts of domination systematically. I REFUSE to describe the 15 minute long scene that occurs. I was closing my eyes and plugging my ears. I begged for it to be over. It was absolutely brutal. The director played with light and darkness, so little was actually seen, but it was nothing short of brutal to bear witness to. My partner, turned to me and asked if I wanted to leave.  To be quite honest, if I wanted to I couldn't because my body and legs were frozen.   I literally could not move, and just waited for the scene to be over.  The end of the movie changes and is supposed to be bring hope...but for me that is not what I left with.

The scene itself was not unlike an attack.  In retrospect I should have fought back.

I biked home with my partner , left with the hauntings of that scene. I was nauseated and had a lot of trouble riding. We got home where I had a hard time falling asleep. I didn't even eat that much the next day.

A friend of mine got to talking. She had a professor in a women's studies class that asked the womyn of the class to list all the things they do to protect themselves against rape while walking, biking or driving home.  Some said they carried mase. Others said they did not carry mase for fear it could be used against them.Others carried their keys like knuckles. Some carried baseball bats in there cars. Some wore baggy sweatshirts. The class filled a blackboard.   Many admit that their actions seemed irrational even to them.  The professor responded that they are sane response to an INSANE world.

I am not a film director. I don't know how the director could have done it differently. I understand that violence, coercion and dominance when left unchecked are used against womyn in society.  I understand how it is part of the storyline.  But I do know it COULD have been done differently.  Because I should not have had to pay $11 + popcorn and soda to be assaulted through visuals and sounds. FUCK THAT. Because I am harrassed every day because of my gender-when I walk alone, ride my bike, have a drink with friends, or walk with my partner. Because rape is used as an act of war against people around the world. It is used to "teach people a lesson" when they step out of norms for their gender and society.   I go to the movies to be in a safe space and get lost in a film.  I shouldn't have to see that shit-because the realty for our gender and our gender variants is much more painful and graphic.

The lady who wrote the book CUNT says we should walk out of films like this and demand our money back.  

How many movies have you watched this month that depict horrible acts of violence against womyn?  How were they filmed?  I know how I respond to them, but sometimes do you ever think how somewhere there is someone getting off on them, because they are shot in such a way. does that sicken you? Because it makes me want to vomit.

FUCK that.  Next time I am walking out. And I am letting people know why I won't sit through that shit again. 

Cheryl: Different Versions of Yourself

This summer, the start of my post-college life, I moved back home, started a new job, left LI behind mentally as well as physically. Additionally, the very day after my graduation, I said goodbye to my sweet boyfriend of seven months so far, Rex, who returned home to Guam for the summer (yes, I am dating a Guamanian. yes, Guam not only a real place but also is U.S. territory, so he is not dating me for a green card. these were seriously the concerns of friends and family.)

Since May 19th, I have fallen into a pattern of moving beyond Hofstra emotionally, throwing myself into my Jersey life, with my Jersey friends and family. Whenever I visited home during the past four years, it felt like a trip back in time, and I always knew my family and friends from home did not adjust to my sometimes new and always vocal opinions so easily. Now I am myself full-time. It hasn't created any major predicaments, but it has been interesting to be who I am now, in the place that created the me I was. I sought out what I found I thrived on, like cafes, less popular movies, open discussion and free art. Luckily, I have met a lot of folks here who are politically active, concious consumers, and such, mostly through my job. For some reason, it feels new to encounter people like this in "real life", rather than at school.

Since Rex is literally on the other side of the world, moreover, I have gotten used to operating largely as a single gal, seeing friends every weekend and gallavanting on my own when the mood strikes me. Of course, there are emails and phone calls that bring me back every few days, but no physical obligations, or, for that matter, perks. This will change in eight short days when he returns, at which point I will likely be visiting Brooklyn every other weekend. I am looking forward to the return of my relationship to my life, as well as the opportunity to spend time regularly in the city I adore. But it will be different from what I have crafted here since graduation.

Last week I had the house to myself for 2 straight days. I got a glimpse of how I would live if I lived by myself - messily and rushed. I am not the most responsible person, unless I know someone else will be inconvienced by my mess. But I am reliable when others are involved; despite staying up til 3 am on Friday night (thanks, L word season 5), I rose at 6 am to head to Long Island to meet my family.

My grandfather has been in his house in Massapequa for 53 years, 52 of them with my craft-inclined grandma, who lives in a senior home since her advanced Alzheimers makes it impossible for him to take care of her. This weekend my entire family (meaning, my other grandma, my grandpa himself, my mother, bro, and I) banned together to sell as much of the accumulated 53 years of stuff as possible at a yard sale. It was aggravating, but successful, and I acquired a lot of cool old jewelry that belonged to my grandma. It is pretty overwhelming to see so many half-accomplished projects and pieces of a life spread out across a lawn.

One thing that I noticed however, was the feeling of being the post-grad me around my family. My job, my interracial relationship (my grandparents often exhibit themselves as lingering racists), my style, my vegetarianism, my tendency to have my nose in a book, is acknowledged and accepted, despite my family's probable apprehension and bewilderment at my choices, and the hope that I will grow out of them.

But there were no lectures. I decided my own arrival and departure time to this family affair. Then I chose to make a stopover in NYC, and I bought an impromptu single ticket to Rent (which will be gone soon), I enjoyed the feeling. I don't fear the city, my family, or the future. I feel pretty confident, capable and optimistic. Bring it on, life.

beth: THE BIG SHE BANG

For those of you in New York today.  Sorry such late notice.  My piece on Jodi is going to be presented.  I also wrote a piece about community and illness support.  There will be a lot of great thing there today. I highly suggest you check it out.

Blyth: A Quick Ugh In The Morning

Russian Judge Rules Sexual Harassment Is Okay As It Ensures Survival Of Human Race

A woman seeking to become only the third woman ever to successfully bring a sexual harassment case in Russia was dealt a shocking rebuke when the judge threw out her case, ruling that sexual harassment is actually necessary for the survival of the human race:

She alleged she had been locked out of her office after she refused to have intimate relations with her 47-year-old boss.

"He always demanded that female workers signalled to him with their eyes that they desperately wanted to be laid on the boardroom table as soon as he gave the word," she earlier told the court. "I didn't realise at first that he wasn't speaking metaphorically."

The judge said he threw out the case not through lack of evidence but because the employer had acted gallantly rather than criminally.

"If we had no sexual harassment we would have no children," the judge ruled.

Foreign Policy's blog notes that while Russia has made it a major priority to reverse the nation's population decline, this is perhaps not the best way to go about it, considering how dismal working conditions are for Russian women already:

According to a recent survey, 100 percent of female professionals said they had been subjected to sexual harassment by their bosses, 32 percent said they had had intercourse with them at least once and another seven percent claimed to have been raped.

Blyth: Down By The Waterfront

I've lived in San Francisco for over a year now and sometimes I still forget how fucking beautiful it can be.














This weekend, after much debauchery, my dating partner and I took a long walk down Funston beach. It was aaaamazing!














There are moments in my life that feel so surreal. Moments when I pause expecting some overly sentimental soundtrack to start playing, like I'm not actually living this moment. Like it must have been scripted. But alas the Indigo Girls never start playing (well almost never...). This is my life. My real life. I live here. That shit is crazy.

I'm in love with the ocean. But I'm trying really hard not to fall in love with the womyn who was standing beside me. They're both beautiful but they're both really fucking dangerous. And I haven't yet learned how to avoid hir at high tide.

Still Saturday there was hangliders, crashing waves, dance lessons and an unbelievable sunset. Cue the music....

Taylor: Chinese Takeout and the Single Girl

I'm highly affected by what I see/do/think about before I go to sleep at night. It's a bit of childish psychosis that I wish would change, but for now, it's something I often have to consider if I want a restful evening. It's one reason why I prefer not to watch horror films. After seeing one of the Scream movies, I had nightmares that someone in one of those masks was trying to kill me. Once or twice would have been manageable, but that dream recurred over a period of about a month. Since my normal television watching agenda includes plenty of death - lately it's CSI and Deadliest Catch - I end up watching a fair amount of outwardly sappy shit right before I go to sleep. Romantic comedies? Bring 'em on.

To relieve myself from one day's dose of television death, I turned to Kissing Jessica Stein before bedtime. It's not a particularly great movie, but it will always have a special place in my heart for giving me the term "sexy ugly" (but that's another post for another time). As I snuggled into bed and set the sleep timer on the TV, the movie went into the "she's so lonely" scene, where Jessica came home to a messy but nice (and completely unreal for NYC, by the by) apartment. This involved the standard single girl refrigerator shot: nothing except a Chinese food carton. Right then it occurred to me: How in the hell did the "single girls' refrigerators are all empty except for Chinese takeout" idea become a stereotype? Even this video - which I find hilarious - does it. So when and why did it start? And are there single women who actually eat like that?

I have a few logistical items to pick with whoever started this movie trend (and I'm going to guess it was a man). As an example, we'll use myself and my roommates. One of my roommates is in one of those long running "It's Complicated" relationships and the other has been in a committed relationship for a little over a year. And yours truly? Freer than "Freebird." I would like to note that I am a New Yorker and absolutely qualify as a busy woman - the kind that, in a movie producer's eyes, would be a prime candidate for empty fridges and Chinese food ordering.

Examining our fridge on a regular basis, just under half of the things in there are mine, and at least one fourth of the things that belong to my roommates are either a) expired or b) things they're never going to eat. If we're going to do this right, we should examine cupboards as well, and my dry food? Takes up two cupboards. Each of my other roommates has one. I can safely say that in a contest of total in-house food ownership, I'd probably take it. I might even have as much as the two of them combined. (Except in rare cases, like when one of them decides to cook for their SO, or prepares food for a party or something.) What can I say, I like to cook. A lot.

That knocks off the "empty" part of the stereotype. Now, as to the takeout.

Personally, I don't like Chinese food, so let's change Chinese takeout to takeout in general. Of course, if we want to expand this like I did before, it should include meals outside of the house, sit down style.

On average, I go out to eat about once or twice a week, usually on the weekends. On average, one of my roommates beats this in about half the time, and the other probably matches it. One of them is an aspiring foodie, so she and her SO go out for dinner about three times a week, generally at very nice places. My other roommate cooks a lot for her and her SO, but they go for an out of the house meal from time to time, probably just a hair more often than I do.

On the other hand, for takeout meals both roommates win. In the past week, we've had two versions of takeout leftovers in our fridge (one set Chinese, the other set Thai), both belonging to my roommates. The last time I ordered takeout was when I wanted sushi for lunch while watching a Salman Rushdie documentary - which was, according to Netflix, back in June.

I'm sure that, in part, the takeout stereotype stems from assuming that no one wants to go sit in a restaurant by themselves, and I have a slight bone to pick with that, as well. Firstly, single women have friends. They likely even hang out with these friends more frequently than those in a relationships. The catching up with a friend dinner is a pretty big staple in my life - in fact, I'm going on one tonight. Secondly, I don't have a problem with eating by myself in a restaurant. The pathos of worrying what people are going to think about someone alone in a restaurant is awful and ridiculous. Treating oneself to a nice sit down meal can be an incredibly freeing experience, much like going to movies or concerts alone. You don't have to worry about waiting for anyone else or considering what someone else wants to eat/see/listen to. Some of the best dining experiences I've had have been when flying solo. Because you're alone, waiters are much more attentive, and the food arrives more quickly.

The takeout trend might also stem from the idea that single girls are going on so many dates that they never eat at home, and that doesn't really hold water, either. Even the people I know with the most active dative lives aren't eating out every single night.

So, single ladies, I'm curious, does the only Chinese takeout in the fridge movie stereotype resemble your eating habits?

And if any movie buffs can shed light on this stereotype, please do.