Caitlin: The Good Wife.

It's not cool to say you want to be a wife. But you know what else isn't cool? Loneliness, celibacy, and cat pee. Those things are all very sucky and all very likely for me if I don't settle into domesticity with a man someday. I don't mean like tomorrow, or even ten years from now, but some day I can totally see myself weeping into a large pan of lasagna, all postpartum and under-appreciated, hoping today is the day he finally brings me flowers "just because"...All the while thinking, "at least I'm not alone." Ugh, whatever, I really do think I will make a great mother and wife some day. Here are my reasons why:

1. All my ex boyfriends say so.
It's true. Upon breaking up, all of my exes said something along the lines of: "maybe we can get together later in life." And I don't think they were just being nice. No, I think they meant that I was just too wife-tastic to be part of their young, seed-spreading years. Go ahead boys, spread your seeds. I'd rather you get it out of your system now than when we are married.

2. I look like a wife.
Petite. Brunette. Perfect teeth. Hips like a peasant. I was made for both sexin' and birth'n and I ain't ashamed. Hell, I am proud of it. Older men love me because I have the face of a child and the body of a neighbor's wife. Covet on gentlemen, covet on.

3. I like food.
Not only am I college educated, but I can also cook! I enjoy baking, stir frying, kneading, and saucing. I like trying new things but I can also get down with old staples. I will cook late at night and also early in the morning. I am not terribly afraid of calories. I think Splenda is disgusting.

4. I don't need to be entertained.
I can entertain myself just fine. I read books, run errands, follow politics and popular television shows. I have my own friends. I partake in my own hobbies. I like to get drunk. And as a caveat to this, I can be brought anywhere. I don't need a chaperon.

5. I like to do it.
A lot.

6. I don't want a real job.
I want to be a freelance writer and nothing else. This means there is a very good chance I will be working from home. Working from home and cooking. Working from home and building forts for us to hang out in when you get back from your 9-5. Working from home and thinking about all the nastiness we should partake in, post lasagna.

7. I will be the Michelle to your Barack.
Even though I don't want a "job" per say, I will still be involved in many great things. I plan on living a life of both leisure and substance. I want to be involved in my community and be a beacon of female-awesomeness to the people around me. I am not sure what this means yet, but I am spending my 20s figuring it out.

8. I will live a long life.
Women in my family live to be very old. One of my grandmothers lived to be 94. My husband will most likely die first. And if he doesn't, I plan on being the haunting-type.

9. I have an impeccable sense of humor.
A truly funny woman is a real gem. When things get old and ugly, having someone around to laugh with you is essential. I don't consider myself very sarcastic though. I mean, except for this post.

10. One of my favorite movies is "Cool Hand Luke".