Cheryl: Different Versions of Yourself

This summer, the start of my post-college life, I moved back home, started a new job, left LI behind mentally as well as physically. Additionally, the very day after my graduation, I said goodbye to my sweet boyfriend of seven months so far, Rex, who returned home to Guam for the summer (yes, I am dating a Guamanian. yes, Guam not only a real place but also is U.S. territory, so he is not dating me for a green card. these were seriously the concerns of friends and family.)

Since May 19th, I have fallen into a pattern of moving beyond Hofstra emotionally, throwing myself into my Jersey life, with my Jersey friends and family. Whenever I visited home during the past four years, it felt like a trip back in time, and I always knew my family and friends from home did not adjust to my sometimes new and always vocal opinions so easily. Now I am myself full-time. It hasn't created any major predicaments, but it has been interesting to be who I am now, in the place that created the me I was. I sought out what I found I thrived on, like cafes, less popular movies, open discussion and free art. Luckily, I have met a lot of folks here who are politically active, concious consumers, and such, mostly through my job. For some reason, it feels new to encounter people like this in "real life", rather than at school.

Since Rex is literally on the other side of the world, moreover, I have gotten used to operating largely as a single gal, seeing friends every weekend and gallavanting on my own when the mood strikes me. Of course, there are emails and phone calls that bring me back every few days, but no physical obligations, or, for that matter, perks. This will change in eight short days when he returns, at which point I will likely be visiting Brooklyn every other weekend. I am looking forward to the return of my relationship to my life, as well as the opportunity to spend time regularly in the city I adore. But it will be different from what I have crafted here since graduation.

Last week I had the house to myself for 2 straight days. I got a glimpse of how I would live if I lived by myself - messily and rushed. I am not the most responsible person, unless I know someone else will be inconvienced by my mess. But I am reliable when others are involved; despite staying up til 3 am on Friday night (thanks, L word season 5), I rose at 6 am to head to Long Island to meet my family.

My grandfather has been in his house in Massapequa for 53 years, 52 of them with my craft-inclined grandma, who lives in a senior home since her advanced Alzheimers makes it impossible for him to take care of her. This weekend my entire family (meaning, my other grandma, my grandpa himself, my mother, bro, and I) banned together to sell as much of the accumulated 53 years of stuff as possible at a yard sale. It was aggravating, but successful, and I acquired a lot of cool old jewelry that belonged to my grandma. It is pretty overwhelming to see so many half-accomplished projects and pieces of a life spread out across a lawn.

One thing that I noticed however, was the feeling of being the post-grad me around my family. My job, my interracial relationship (my grandparents often exhibit themselves as lingering racists), my style, my vegetarianism, my tendency to have my nose in a book, is acknowledged and accepted, despite my family's probable apprehension and bewilderment at my choices, and the hope that I will grow out of them.

But there were no lectures. I decided my own arrival and departure time to this family affair. Then I chose to make a stopover in NYC, and I bought an impromptu single ticket to Rent (which will be gone soon), I enjoyed the feeling. I don't fear the city, my family, or the future. I feel pretty confident, capable and optimistic. Bring it on, life.